Week of August 13, 2006 to August 19, 2006

Shutterbug

Marge: I bet we could buy a nice doghouse for $50.
Homer: [sigh] Marge, you're a tool of doghouse makers.
Marge: I am not!
Homer: Yes, you are. You've been brainwashed by all those doghouse
commercials on TV.

Principal Skinner: Groundskeeper Seamus, you're fired.
Seamus: This is all your doin', Willie! I'll turn ye'r groin ta puddin'!!!
Groundskeeper Willie: Ye talk like a poet. But ye hit like one too!!

"I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such movies as 'Today We
Kill, Tomorrow We Die' and 'Gladys the Groovy Mule!'"

Skinner: Um, ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable has happened. Some sick,
twisted individual has stolen every teacher's edition in this school.
Teacher: What'll we do!?
Mrs. Krabappel: Declare a snow day!
Teacher: Does anyone know the multiplication table?!
Skinner: No, please, don't panic. [peers out the window] They can smell
fear.

Lisa: Wow! Mom'll be happy to hear you won $50.
Homer: You'd think so, wouldn't you? You see, your mother has this crazy
idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the Bible.
Lisa: Really? Where?
Homer: Uh...somewhere in the back.

Burns: Smithers, I've been thinking. Is it wrong to cheat to win a
million-dollar bet?
Smithers: Yes, sir.
Burns: Let me rephrase that. Is it wrong if I cheat to win a
million-dollar bet?
Smithers: No, sir. Who would you like killed?