Week of July 02, 2006 to July 08, 2006

Mmm, tacos.

My favorite kind.

I slept exactly three hours and fourteen minutes last night. None of it in a row.

Racing to stop a baptism
Marge: Where are we going? Where are we going?
Homer: OK, OK, don't panic. To find Flanders, I just have to think like
Flanders!
Homer's Brain: I'm a big four-eyed lame-o, and I wear the same stupid
sweater every day and--
Homer: The Springfield River!

Bart: Wow, Dad, you took a baptismal for me. How do you feel?
Homer: [reverently] Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo
after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan.
Ned: [gasps] Wait! Homer, what did you just say?
Homer: I said shut your ugly face, Flanders!
Ned: Oh, fair enough.

Mr. Burns at the post office
Burns: Yes, I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam
by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?
Acne teen: Uh, I better look in the manual.
Burns: [groans] Oh, the ignorance.
Kid: This book must be out of date. I don't see "Prussia", "Siam", or
"autogyro".
Burns: Well, keep looking!

Ned: Well, children, it's Saturday night. So, what say we let our hair down
and play "Bombardment"?
Bart & Lisa: Yay!
Ned: Of Bible questions!
Rod & Todd: Yay!
Ned: Which version shall it be?
Todd: St. James!
Rod: The Vulgate of St. Jerome!
[Ned looks through the Bible bookcase]
Ned: "Vulgate" it is.
Todd: [disappointed] Aw.
Ned: OK, for one gold star, what Persian king exempted the Levites from
taxation?
Rod: Artaxerxes!
Ned: Righty-o!
[Much later, Todd and Rod are covered with stars (and Todd even coughs up
some), Maggie has a star, and Maude has two. She looks worriedly at Ned]
Ned: Well...?
Todd: I know!
Ned: No, son, we've got to let Bart and Lisa get one. Come on, this one's

"You might find his accent peculiar. Certain aspects of his culture may
seem absurd, perhaps even offensive. But I urge you all to give little Adil
the benefit of the doubt. This way, and only in this way, do we hope to
better understand our backward neighbors throughout the world."
--Principal Skinner's introduces a foreign exchange student

Life with the Flanders family
Bart: I never heard Maggie laugh like that before.
Lisa: Well, when was the last time Dad gave her that kind of attention?
Bart: When she swallowed that quarter, he spent all day with her.
Lisa: I thought I could ride this thing out, but everything's just too weird
here.
Bart: I know. They put honey on pancakes instead of maple syrup.
Lisa: They read "Newsweek" instead of nothing.
Ned: Come on, you gloomy Guses. Who's up for a big bowl of nonfat ice milk?
Rod: I want wintergreen!
Maude: Unflavored for me.

The Flanders see Itchy & Scratchy for the first time
Rod: Daddy, what's the red stuff coming out of kitty's ears?
Ned: Uh, that's, that's just, er, raspberry jam.
Todd: Dad, should I poke Rod with a sharp thing like the mouse did?
Ned: No, son. No sirree, bob.

Judge: I can see you sincerely want your children back, but you have a lot
to learn about being parents. Before I can return your children, you'll
have to complete a course called "Family Skills". It teaches parents to
listen to their --
Homer: Communication, gotcha.
Judge: But it's important to --
Homer: Listen, yes, I know.
Judge: But there's more to it than --
Homer: I have listening skills!
Judge: Mr. Simpson, would you please --
Homer: Shut up, Judge