Week of June 11, 2006 to June 17, 2006

Brad: People, I am excited.  I can sense a change in the air tonight.  You are all going to start living, really living. Audience: Yay!  [chanting] Living!  Living! Brad: Be like the boy! Audience: Be like boy!  Be like
boy! Brad: Just the ladies. Ladies: Be like boy!  Be like boy! Brad: Now, the seniors in the back. Seniors: We like Roy!  We like Roy!

Brad Goodman: Principal Skinner, let's try some rage work. I want you to
pretend this dummy right here is your mother.
Skinner: OK, I'll try.
Brad: Tell this dummy mother exactly how you feel right now.
Skinner: I'm annoyed with you, Mother. Not just annoyed--angry! I'm a
grown man now [yelling] and I can run my own life!
[pummels the dummy and tears at it with his teeth]
Brad: Calm down, calm down. Oh, moving. You can sit down now.
Skinner: [sitting next to his mother] We're still going antiquing on
Saturday, right, Mother?

"Wow, for free! Surplus drums of mayonnaise from Operation Desert Storm!"
--Homer, reading the "Free Items" section of the newspaper

Troy McClure: Oh, hi! I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such
self-help videos as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Confident, Stupid."
Well, now I'm here to tell you about the only real path to mental health.
That's right, it's the Brad Goodman [squints at cue cards]
something-or-other... A few weeks ago, I was a washed-up actor with a
drinking problem. Then Brad Goodman came along and gave me this job and a
can of fortified wine! [drinks from a can] Ah...sweet liquor eases the
pain. And now I'd like to introduce the man who will put the "you" in
impr"u"vement"...Brad Goodman!
Brad: Thank you so much, Troy. And by the way...I'm not happy you're
still drinking. But at least you're down to one from more than fifty.

Marge: Homer, did you eat my whole pan of brownies?
Bart: Uh oh. You're in for it now, Dad.
Homer: Marge, I'm feeling a lot of shame right now.
Marge: I'm hearing that you feel a lot of shame.
Homer: And I feel that you hear my shame.
Marge: I'm feeling annoyance and frustration, but also tolerance.

Bart: Oh boy! Free trading cards!
Milhouse: Wow! Joseph of Arimathea! Twenty-six conversions in A.D. 46.
Nelson: Whoa, a Methuselah rookie card!
Flanders: Heh heh, well boys, who'd have thought learning about religion could be fun?
Bart: Religion?
Milhouse: Learning?
Nelson: Let's get out of here!

Bart: Somebody ought to ruin Gabbo's career the way he ruined Krusty's.
Lisa: Two wrongs don't make a right, Bart.
Bart: Yes they do.
Lisa: No they don't.
Bart: Yes they do!
Lisa: No they don't!
Bart: Yes they do!!
Lisa: Daaaad!
Homer: Two wrongs make a right, Lisa.

Homer attends an Alc-Anon meeting
Reverend Lovejoy: So Homer, please feel free to tell us anything.
There's no judgment here.
Homer: The other day I was so desperate for a beer I snuck into the
football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.
Lovejoy: I cast thee out!

"Now, the naturalist who took these absolutely extraordinary pictures was
impressed by the creature's uncivilized look, its foul language, and most
of all, its indescribable stench."
--Newscaster reports that Bigfoot (Homer) has been sighted